Every year, men write to us asking the same question: how do you become a monk? Some have watched a documentary about a monastery. Some have felt a quiet pull during adoration that will not go away. Some simply know that the world, as good as it is, is not enough for them. If that is you, this guide is for you. We are Franciscan brothers, not monks, and below we explain the difference, because it may help you see more clearly where God is leading you.
Monk or Friar: Which Life Is Calling You?
Many people use the two words for the same thing, but they are different callings. Both are beautiful, and both are ways of giving your whole life to God.
A monk lives in a monastery, usually for the rest of his life. Benedictines, for example, make a vow of stability that binds them to one community and one place. The monk’s day is a steady rhythm of prayer and work, and the monastery itself is his mission field. Benedictines, Cistercians, Trappists and Carthusians are monks.
A friar belongs to one of the mendicant orders, such as the Franciscans, Dominicans, Carmelites or Augustinians. His home is a friary, but his life is lived among the people, and he may be sent wherever the Church needs him. He is bound to a family of brothers more than to a building.
Ask yourself a simple question. When you imagine giving your life to God, do you see yourself staying in one holy place and letting the world come to you? Or do you see yourself praying with your brothers and then going out to serve? Neither answer is better. Your honest answer is a clue.
Who Can Become a Monk or a Friar?
Each community sets its own requirements, but most look for the same basic things in a man who applies:
- A practicing Catholic. You must be baptized and confirmed. Converts are usually asked to live the faith for a few years before entering.
- Single and without dependents. A man who is married, or who has children who still depend on him, is not free to enter.
- A legal adult, within the community’s age range. You must have reached the legal age of adulthood where you live. In most states that is 18, but in a few it is higher, including Nebraska, where it is 19. Most communities set an upper age limit of about 35, though some make exceptions. Ask each community about its own limits.
- Healthy enough for the life. Religious life is demanding. Communities will ask about your physical and mental health.
- Free of serious debt. Because you will take a vow of poverty, most communities ask that student loans and other debts be paid or arranged before you enter.
- A genuine desire for God. Not to escape the world, but to give yourself to Christ and to your brothers.
Seven Steps to Becoming a Monk or a Friar
- Pray every day. A vocation is a call from a Person, not a career choice. Spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and ask Him plainly what He wants of you. Then listen.
- Live the sacraments. Go to Mass as often as you can, and to Confession regularly. A man preparing for religious life starts living like one now.
- Find a spiritual director. A good priest or experienced religious can help you sort out what is from God and what is from your own imagination.
- Learn about communities. Read about monasteries and friaries. Notice which ones stir something in you. Pay attention to their prayer, their work, and whether they are faithful to the Church.
- Visit. Nothing replaces spending a few days with a community. Pray with them, eat with them, work with them. You will learn more in a weekend than in months of reading.
- Apply. Most communities ask for a written application, letters of reference, your baptismal and confirmation certificates, a medical exam and a psychological evaluation. These protect both you and the community.
- Enter formation. Once accepted, you begin a gradual path toward vows, described below.
How Long Does It Take to Become a Monk or a Friar?
No one makes lifelong vows overnight. The Church builds in time so that both the man and the community can be sure the call is real. Communities differ, but the stages are similar:
| Stage | What happens | Typical length |
|---|---|---|
| Postulancy | You live with the community and try the life from the inside. | Several months to a year |
| Novitiate | You usually receive the habit and are formed in prayer, the Rule and the vows. | At least one year (Church law requires twelve months) |
| Temporary vows | You make vows of poverty, chastity and obedience for a set time and keep growing in the life. | Usually three to six years |
| Final vows | You consecrate yourself to God in the community for life. Monks often call these solemn vows. | For life |
From the day you enter until final vows usually takes five to nine years. If you are also called to the priesthood, seminary studies are added along the way.
Common Questions
Does it cost anything to become a monk or a friar?
No. You do not pay to enter a religious community. The community supports you, and you give your work and your whole life in return.
Do I have to become a priest?
No. Many monks and friars are religious brothers who are not ordained. Their vocation is complete in itself. Our community is made up of Franciscan brothers.
Can a married man become a monk?
Not while his marriage is in force. A widower, or a man whose marriage has been declared null by the Church, may be free to enter if he has no dependents. Married men who love monastic life can often become oblates or join a lay association connected to a monastery.
Can I leave if it is not for me?
Yes. Postulancy and novitiate exist precisely so that a man can discover whether this life is his. Leaving during formation is not a failure. It is discernment doing its work.
What if I am not sure I am holy enough?
No one is. Religious life is not a reward for the already holy. It is a school where God makes men holy, one day at a time.
How We Live as Franciscan Brothers
We are the Knights of the Holy Eucharist, a community of Franciscan brothers in Lincoln, Nebraska. Our life is centered on Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Each day includes Holy Mass, the Liturgy of the Hours and Eucharistic adoration, along with work, study and life together as brothers. We are friars rather than monks, but a man who feels drawn to the prayer of a monastery often finds a home in a community like ours, where adoration is the heart of the day.
There are no set visiting dates at our friary. When the time is right, you are welcome to come and see.
If you have read this far, do not set the question aside. Bring it to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, and keep asking. The questions below may help.
Most high, glorious God, enlighten the darkness of my heart. Give me right faith, certain hope, and perfect charity, sense and knowledge, Lord, that I may carry out Your holy and true command. Amen.
Prayer of Saint Francis before the Crucifix of San Damiano