What Is a Come and See Retreat? (And Should You Go?)
Most men who entered religious life say the same thing: they wish they had visited sooner. Here is exactly what a Come and See is, what happens during one, and why going is almost always the right call.
Two thousand years ago, two disciples of John the Baptist followed Jesus down a road, not quite bold enough to introduce themselves. Jesus turned, looked at them, and asked a simple question: What are you looking for? They fumbled their answer — “Rabbi, where are you staying?” — and He replied with two words that launched a vocation, a Church, and a civilization: Come and see.
Those disciples spent the rest of the day with Him. Scripture records that they stayed from the tenth hour. It does not record everything that was said. It only tells us that after that afternoon, Andrew went immediately to find his brother Peter and told him: we have found the Messiah.
The Come and See retreat takes its name directly from that passage. It is, in structure and in spirit, the same invitation — extended now by a religious community to a man who is already following something, even if he cannot yet name what it is.
When a man first hears that religious brothers take a vow of poverty, his imagination tends to produce something drawn from medieval paintings or Hollywood costume dramas: threadbare habits, bare stone floors, thin soup, and a permanent expression of noble suffering. The word poverty carries a weight that does not easily separate from its ordinary meaning: lack, scarcity, hardship, the condition of not having enough.
None of that is what the vow means. The confusion is understandable, but it runs deep enough to stop men from seriously considering a life they might otherwise be drawn to so it is worth correcting directly.
The vow of poverty is not a vow of destitution. It is not a promise to wear shoes with holes, eat inadequately, or suffer for its own sake. It is something far more precise, far more interesting, and — for men who have actually lived it — far more liberating than anything the word conjures in the imagination of someone who has not.
“Come and see.”
John 1:39 — the first words Jesus spoke to His first disciples
What a Come and See Retreat Actually Is
A Come and See retreat is a short visit (typically a weekend or a few days) during which a man lives alongside the brothers of a religious community and experiences their daily life firsthand. It is not a formal application. It is not an interview. It is not a commitment of any kind. It is exactly what the name says: you come, and you see.
For the Knights of the Holy Eucharist, the invitation is open to single Catholic men ages 18–30. We call our version a Tour of Duty. You come to Waverly, Nebraska, and you participate in the life of work and prayer that you read about in the vocation brochure. Not as an observer. As a participant.
Here is what that participation typically includes:
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The Liturgy of the Hours
You pray Morning Prayer, Daytime Prayer, Evening Prayer, and Compline with the brothers — in the chapel, in community, at the rhythm that shapes every day of their lives.
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Daily Mass
You attend Mass with the community, served with the reverence the Knights are trained to bring. For many men, this is the first time they have experienced Mass this way — and it changes something.
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Eucharistic Adoration
A full Holy Hour before the Blessed Sacrament, daily. This is the heart of the Knights’ charism, and it is the part of the visit men most often describe as decisive.
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Meals at the Common Table
You eat with the brothers. The conversation at a religious community’s dinner table is different from almost anywhere else — real, substantive, often funny. You will not feel like a guest being managed.
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Work Alongside the Brothers
Manual labor, apostolic projects, maintenance — whatever the brothers are doing during your visit, you participate. This is not staged. It is the actual Tuesday afternoon of religious life.
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Honest Conversation
Time with the vocation director and individual brothers — not a sales pitch, but real dialogue. You can ask anything. The brothers have heard every question, and they will tell you the truth.
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Time for Personal Prayer and Silence
Space to sit with what you are experiencing, to bring your questions and uncertainties before God without the noise of ordinary life interrupting. This is often where the most important things happen.
Take The Next Step
A few days costs you nothing but time — and gives you more clarity than months of research ever could. Fill out a quick questionnaire to contact the vocation director and schedule your Tour of Duty.
Should You Go?
Most men who are drawn to religious life and have not yet visited a community share a common profile: they have been thinking about it for months, sometimes years. They have read about it. Prayed about it. Researched communities online at 11pm. And they have not gone. Here is why — and why each reason fails under examination.
“I’m not ready. I need to be more spiritually prepared first.”
This is the most common reason — and the most self-defeating. You do not prepare to visit a community by first becoming holy enough to belong there. You visit in order to begin understanding whether God is calling you. The brothers themselves were not holy enough when they arrived. Formation exists precisely because men arrive unfinished. Come as you are.
“I don’t want to be pressured into something.”
Legitimate communities operate under a strict code of ethics that prohibits pressure of any kind. Canon law actually lists extreme pressure to enter religious life as an impediment to admission to vows — meaning that if a community pressured you into entering, those vows would be invalid. The Knights are not looking for men who were talked into it. They are looking for men God called into it. You can leave any time. No one will chase you down the driveway.
“What if I like it? Then I’d have to do something about it.”
This is the most honest objection, and the most worth sitting with. The fear underneath it is real: what if going makes the call undeniable? The answer is that you would still be free. A visit is not a trap. But if God is genuinely calling you and you are avoiding the visit to stay comfortable, that avoidance has a cost and it compounds with every year that passes.
“I’m probably not called. I’m not that holy.”
See our full article on this: Am I Holy Enough to Enter Religious Life? The short answer: God calls ordinary men, not finished saints. The brothers on the other side of that door were sitting exactly where you are sitting now: uncertain, imperfect, and pulled toward something they could not fully explain.
“I have too many loose ends — debt, family obligations, career questions.”
A visit does not require you to have your life sorted out first. It is a conversation, not a contract. Men visit communities while still carrying student loans, while still in demanding jobs, while still in the middle of discernment. The visit is part of discernment, not the end of it. If practical obstacles are what you are worried about, read our guide on entering religious life with student loans, and then come anyway.
What Happens After
Men who visit religious communities describe the experience in one of a few ways:
Some feel confirmed. The peace they feel during the Hours, the clarity they experience before the Blessed Sacrament, the ease with which they slide into the brotherhood’s rhythm — these are signs they have learned to read, and they read them clearly. They go home knowing they need to come back.
Some feel genuinely unsure — which is also information. A visit that leaves you uncertain is not a failed visit. It is a sign that more discernment is needed, more prayer, possibly a visit to another community. The uncertainty itself is honest data about where you are in the process.
Some feel sure it is not their path — and that clarity is an enormous gift. Years of vague wondering about religious life can be resolved in a weekend. If it is not your calling, you walk away free to pursue your actual vocation without the nagging question following you. This is not a failure. It is the system working exactly as intended.
What almost no one feels afterward is that they wasted their time.
Our greatest challenge is that young people today have so many options. Religious life gets pushed to the bottom of the list. Our goal for Come and See weekends is simply to show that it’s a great way to spend a life.
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Most men who visit a community first recognized the call in quieter moments — at adoration, at Mass, in the company of someone living the life. If something in you is stirring, it is worth paying attention to.
How to Arrange a Visit With the Knights
The Knights of the Holy Eucharist welcome individual visits at their friary in Waverly, Nebraska. The process is straightforward:
Contact the vocation director directly by filling out a form on the discernment page. The vocation director will talk with you about timing, logistics, and what to expect.
Visits are typically a weekend or a few days. Room and board are provided. All you need to bring is yourself, an open heart, and the willingness to show up.
You do not need a letter from your pastor. You do not need to pass a preliminary interview. You do not need to have your theology sorted out. The Knights have worked with men at every stage of discernment — men who were nearly certain, men who were barely curious, and men who showed up mostly because they had nothing better to do and left knowing exactly what they were supposed to do with their lives.
The Answer to the Question You Are Actually Asking
The question in the title of this article is “Should you go?” But that is not quite the real question. The real question — the one that brought you here — is whether the stirring you have been feeling is something you are supposed to act on.
You cannot answer that from a screen.
Jesus did not tell the two disciples to read a scroll about Him and report back with their discernment findings. He told them to come. They went. They saw. And one of them ran immediately to tell his brother that everything was different now.
The invitation is the same. The door is open. The brothers are there, living the life you keep reading about. And the only way to know whether it is yours is to stop reading about it and go.
Schedule your Tour of Duty with the Knights →
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Help Make It Possible for Young Men to Answer the Call
Every retreat, every visit, every conversation with a discerning man is sustained by donors who believe this work matters. Your gift supports the community that is waiting to receive them.